I never thought I'd come back to these springs. After everything that's happened, I thought I'd never set foot out of the Heart again. So why am I here? Well...nothing's happening *now*. As a matter of fact, it's pretty deserted. I guess nobody else wants to come back. Even though the water feels nice and warm... Where I can feel it, anyway. My legs aren't getting much better. I wonder if they'll start shrivelling soon. *God*, that would be disgusting. I bet nobody would want to look at me after that, and I'll have to sit in a corner all day like some *freak* and-- No, no, NO, I'm not supposed to be thinking that. Mewling isn't done checking out my spine yet; Sonya hasn't even looked. There's still hope, and I can't ever forget that, because Owen *needs* me not to forget. He needs somebody to be strong for him. Remember Ryan? Remember how I yelled at him and ran away and when I came back he was-- *NO*. That *wasn't* my fault and what happened *after* that wasn't anybody's fault. It wasn't my fault that the thing in him made me rape--no, I'm *not* using that word. Ellon never used that word, when I talked to him, and I betrayed him and forgot all about--*dammit*. Just what the *hell* is wrong with me?! I'm supposed to be here to relax. I *have* to relax. Owen needs me to stay centered, and so does Mewling. Mewling...Mewling is my daughter now, kind of. I need to do right by her. I need to be there for her the way--oh, God, that's *all* I need is to go down that road. I won't think about I'm *going* to *stop* *THINKING*. No! Shutupshutupshutup!! SHUT UP! GO AWAY! Push it back, don't think don't think leave it alone don't remember don't hurt Silence it. Quiet. Calm. Warm. ...I feel much better now. Owen will be happy. I'm happy. I thought I'd never come here again. Maybe I need to come here more often.